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Lets Listen Actively

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We have said this earlier, many times, but we think it merits a longer exposition.

Whether it is science, art , behaviour, sexuality or safety - can we listen to the child. 
It is important that we talk, but it is MORE important that we LISTEN.
Listen regularly, Listen whenever opportunity knocks, Listen when the opportunity doesn't.


Listening (or Active Listening) to me has three components: Connect, Clarify and Expand.

First I need to connect with the child, acknowledge what he or she is feeling, doing, intending. ("You are curious").

Then I can ask questions that will clarify the child's thinking by accessing more details. This clarification will not only help me understand the child, but more importantly it will help the child understand himself or herself. ("Tell me more")


I can further the conversation by asking questions, or providing data or stories or ideas to the child who can use them as triggers to expand thinking more. ("What about this").


Let's take few examples:


Child asks, "What does 'fuck' mean?"

Connect, "Ah, you heard this word somewhere and you are curious about its meaning"

Clarify, "What do you think it means? Where all you have heard? In what context people use this word" etc.

Expand, "Lets think of words we know which mean one thing, but people use it in different ways"  What words we use when we are angry or surprised at something? What are our views about abusive language? What words people say and then feel bad about saying them? etc


Child is watching an unacceptable video (with sexually explicit content)

Connect, "You seem to be curious about sexuality" "These kind of videos can be exciting to watch"

Clarify, "What all did you like in this video? What was interesting? What questions do you have? What other videos would you like to see?" Etc

Expand, "Would you like to know why people do these kinds of things? What all is exciting to me in my life, let me think? Do you what is prostitution or that people are paid for acting in this kind of videos". Etc


You all are going to a family wedding, and with so many people around, you want your child to be sexually safe

Connect, "You are excited about the marriage function". "You might be excited or nervous about meeting so many relatives there"

Clarify, "Who all are you looking forward to meeting? Who all do you wish not to meet? What all feelings come to you when you think of the people in marriage" Which actions of relatives, in the past, you have not liked. What are you wishing they will do / not do with you." etc.

Expand, "Let's think in what ways we can engage with relatives. What all we could do with them, learn from them. What all we could teach. What kind of actions you think people can do which you will not like to happen. What would you do if somebody does those. Etc


Notice in most of the above, we are listening, actively. We are neither preaching nor patronising them.


If you think this article is useful, valuable - then pay for it.

Pay for it by posting in Whatsapp group two examples of active listening.


First one you can write about a situation that recently happened (You may or may not have done active listening, but now you can!)

Second one you can write about a situation that you think would happen / or on a safety topic.


warmly
Aditi-Ratnesh  (Ph: +91-98450-45833)
Aarohi is an Open Learning Community for learners of all ages: Open to all kinds of interests, abilities, styles and content areas. Learning by doing what one wants, how one wants, and self reflection. Community to co-live, co-learn and co-support each other. Aarohi's Campus is in a village near Hosur in Tamil Nadu (55km fm Bangalore).
Open learning group on Telegram:  https://t.me/joinchat/ClfHiRRCYALLpfOhTWN_Yw
Aarohi Website: https://aarohilife.org

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